Unlocking Success: The Power of Reflection vs. Criticism in Business Growth
There’s this great scene in Ted Lasso that summarizes a lot of what I want to say in this post. For those of you who don’t know, Ted Lasso is a show on AppleTV about a successful American Football coach who is hired by a British football club (Soccer Team) to coach a sport that he knows nothing about. A great many of the characters are judgmental and critical of Ted when they first meet him and rightfully so. Ted’s character is kind and bends towards trusting people, two traits that are not commonly cultivated in today’s culture. I could unpack that further, but for the sake of time and holding your interest I’ll just recommend that you watch the series.
The scene I want to point out that will best help introduce the article is what many fans know simply as “the darts scene”. In this scene, the main antagonist, Rupert Mannion, sees Ted’s seemingly innocent demeanor as an opportunity to manipulate Ted with a wager over a game of darts. Toward the end of the scene, Ted has to throw a seemingly impossible series of darts in order to beat Rupert. In these moments before Ted inevitably wins, Ted answers what we as viewers have been curious about this whole time: “How did Ted Lasso get this far in life without letting the judgment of others affect him?” He sums this up by dissecting a quote by Walt Whitman, “Be Curious, Not Judgemental.”
Over these past few years, I’ve learned that one of my greatest weaknesses is self-criticism and perfectionism. No matter what I do there’s always a way it could have been better. If I finish a logo that the client raves about and is exceptionally done, there’s always something that could have been changed corrected or improved that could have made it better. If I install vinyl for a business or an individual, I’m often looking at the mistakes made rather than the incredible result. Unfortunately, perfectionism comes at a high cost, and that cost I’ve found to be my energy and my joy. The deeper down the rabbit hole I go, the more energy it takes to climb back out.
In exploring my individual core values over the past year, I started exploring this idea of curiosity as a value instead of self-criticism. I’ve found that it’s very hard to be judgemental when you’re curious about something. Instead of looking in the mirror to judge and improve, I started to look to reflect and understand who I was and why I felt this need to perform. It wasn’t until I started to do this that I began to see myself in a new light. I allowed myself to set down the burden of anticipating criticism from others and me. This concept is easier said than done. What I would like to do is offer some things that have helped me to accept myself as I am so that I may grow into the man & business owner I want to be.
ASK QUESTIONS TO UNDERSTAND
In order to learn more about a subject or person, you have to ask questions either verbally or internally. These questions will then lead us to a deeper understanding or judgment about the particular thing we are asking questions about. The important part is that we are asking to understand. A good question to know if you are curious or judgemental is, “Why do I want to know more about this?” Is it because you want to know how to connect to this thing on a deeper level and understand or is it because you want your ideals and beliefs to be further justified?
This concept can play out in the professional field in several ways, but let’s use an example that we all can relate to: not making the sale.
Often, when a client or customer opts out of purchasing a service or product that we are offering, it’s easy for us to assume that it is because there is something wrong with us and what we are offering. While there may be a better way that we can present, brand, or market what we are offering, it’s more important that we approach this issue with curiosity as opposed to urgency and judgment towards ourselves. I have rarely found that when I say “I should have done this better,” it leads to positive results. That’s a definitive statement with no room for challenge and growth which inevitably turns into an annoyingly persistent belief about oneself.
Instead, let me offer some questions that encourage understanding.
“What is it about this product or service that I’m excited about and how can I convey that to others?” This takes the focus off of making a sale and shifts your energy back to what got you into this field in the first place.
“I wonder what this customer actually needs from me?” This question helps to take the focus off of you and your needs and shifts it towards connection with others.
“What am I proud of about this customer interaction?” This question is a good starting point for those of us who deal with an extreme inner critic and allows us to start approaching our business with happiness as opposed to pressure. From there, we can then critique ourselves as opposed to criticize.
CRITIQUE INSTEAD OF CRITICIZE
The word critic comes from the Greek word kritikos which means, “able to make judgements”. In its most simple state, the word “critic” is rooted in judgment. The word “critique” is actually derived from the word “critic” but expounds on it further.
Critique comes from the Greek word kritikē tekhnē, “the critical art” or “the art of criticism”. Most commonly the word critique is used in reference to works of art or literature. When we approach our faults, failures, and mistakes as critiques as opposed to criticism, we are making a conscious effort to approach our life or business as a story to engage with rather than something we hold fault against through judgment.
Critiques are significantly more beneficial than criticisms. Critiques see the value of the concept they are reviewing and take a closer look to understand it, expound on it, or improve it.
For example, if I am writing a blog post on my website about self-reflection vs. self-criticism, I will inevitably have to review and edit it for errors. It’s how I approach the correction of these errors that allows me to find the balance between “exhausting perfectionism” and “good enough”. If I approach it with a lean towards criticism, I will spend hours trying to find ways to make this portion read better, have this graphic match my brand colors, replace words, and inevitably waste more time than is necessary.
In this article, I’m not not saying, “You’re perfect the way you are and you don’t ever have to change”. If we never accepted feedback from others and the possibility that there’s a better way of doing things, we would be extremely stubborn people. It’s only when we take a minute to reflect on the intention behind our internal reflections that true progress and growth can happen.
HONEST & SUPPORTIVE CONNECTIONS
If I am continuing to be honest, I have not always been the best at receiving feedback. In the early years of my career, I would have considered myself as one who could readily receive feedback. My wife and coworkers would have likely disagreed with this statement.
At this stage in my life, I see that honest feedback is invaluable from individuals whose motives have proven to be for my success. Finding individuals within your field of work that have traits that you want to grow within yourself and your field is crucial to the long-term success of your business and personal growth.
There’s a scripture in Matthew 17 in which Jesus is teaching about people with bad intentions. He compares these individuals to a tree that produces rotten fruit. He then answers the listeners' internal question with, “Thus, by their fruit, you will recognize them,” in verse 20.
Essentially what Jesus is teaching here is that you should assess the fruit of someone’s life for yourself before you accept their insight and feedback. Assessing someone’s life is not so that you can then become their critic, but it’s so that you yourself can identify those individuals and businesses that you see have a life, culture, and traits that you desire and invest time with them.
Everyone you come into contact with will inevitably have an opinion about you, but not everyone’s opinion matters.
Some of the lessons shared in this article are ones that I have learned the hard way. Growth is painful and uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be unbearable. Whether you are a small business trying your best or an individual doing the same, we all could stand to approach our shortcomings with a little more reflection and a little less criticism.
